Saboteur Ratatouille

Yesterday was a bit interesting. It's amazing how people wander into your life during awkward points, sprinkle their presence around and leave you wanting more. But stepping out of the equation, you see a different trail which is painfully bleak.

Maybe Europeans have it correct. Their assumptions, actions and consumptions of daily life...and then they sleep peacefully at night. The root is that they care about themselves more than we do.

After an insanely invigorating session with the Tiff, I found myself sitting at the cafe today with an actress of whom I met almost a year ago and we shared tales of our adventures out here. Interesting stuff. Lots of talk which usually consumes my daily life with nothing much to show other than the whispy thought of this close. But then my mind wandered back to this extreme sense of negativity from various individuals in my life and I began thinking why in the hell am I giving two seconds thought to this? Easier said in done as I feel that we're all guilty of this one way or another.

Reflecting back on a conversation I had with said individual left my mind numbed. And it hurt. All these years of being there for this individual and notta once was I ever treated with the courtesy I deserve. Amazing. Yet I'd forgive and forget and the cycle would continue. Over and over annoyingly like a Brett Ratner film. The final nail was a bit about her discussing bipolarity and me in the same sentence. The gall of this had me floored.

The madness has ended. I've moved on. To let go and not care for another's actions is probably the best thing anyone can do in life. Especially L.A. Guess it really comes down to an extreme difference in priorities. Mine are a career and not looking for a relationship (thought I'd state it that way since when you're not looking it happens...truth be told...family is important to me.)

With that burden off my chest, I proclaim there is to be no more Saboteur Ratatouille for me. I am done self sabotaging.

Peace.